Happy Birthday to Me!

It’s my birthday, again.  It seems like I just had one of these last year! (I know, terrible joke.  You should expect nothing less by now.)

As I do every year, I’m asking for just one little present from you – just drop me a comment letting me know you’re here.  I love to see who is stopping by each year!

One Week

It’s been one week since you looked at me …

One week since she joined our family.

One full week.

How did that happen? But a week ago, at this time, I was sitting in a hospital room, drinking a Starbucks brought to me by my darling Becky, watching Manly’s parents meet their latest grandchild.

She arrived, as both the other two did, with her own little drama – deep decelerations in her heartbeat that required us to “assist” her arrival with manual dilation. But after that was resolved she came right out, perfect and angry and oh so LITTLE! A seven-pound copy of her big brother – a mini Mini, if you will.

She’s beautiful and silky-soft, with the tiniest little seashell ears and dimples when she laughs after she fills her diaper on us. Again.

And we’re head over heels in love, all of us, again.

38w5d…

…and I’m still here.  Baby has today and tomorrow to decide to make an appearance on their own, but on Monday we head in for an induction.  And I am *very* ready.

At dr’s appt last week (38w1d), I was 207 lb, BP down to 110/68 (much closer to my normal), baby’s HB ~ 129, 2 cm dialated, and “very soft.”  That excused me from having to go in tomorrow night for cervical ripening; I now have to show up at L&D on Monday at 6:00 am.  I am highly confident that I will be dilated to more than 2 by then – the mucous plug has been breaking down and I’ve had bloody show for several days now.

I had a bit of a breakdown the other night – l&d is scary, knowing that there is a definite possibility that I could die during this experience and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it.  I just have to go through with it and trust in the care providers we have to keep everyone as safe as possible.  Side note – my birth plans have always been the same: everyone comes out of this alive.  For the other two, I also noted my desire for continued ability to have more kids if possible, but that even got dropped out of this one.  I haven’t been very emotional about this being my last pregnancy, it still feels like the right thing to do for our family.  I did almost start crying at the last heartbeat check since that’s the last time I’ll hear a baby’s HP from inside of me, but that’s counterbalanced by this also being the last time I’ll have to wake up multiple times each night to roll over in bed.  Good things and bad things about every situation – and you can’t have one without the other.

I’ve come through the scared part now though to being more excited – I’m ready for this one to be out of my ribcage and snuggled up beside me.  I’m also very excited about my hips and back getting to a place where they can start to heal so I can move around comfortably.  It’s obvious at this point that baby and I are two separate people with two separate ideas of what is comfortable, and I think we’re going to be better off with a little more space between us.

Two more days!  It is almost unreal that this is almost to the end!

 

WIPocalypse 2014 – April

Another full moon checkin post.  Measi’s discussion question for this month is “how do you keep your stash organized?” I have a multi-layered process: my threads are all mounted on DMC stitchbows and kept in two big 3-ring binders.  I also have a tabletop craft organizer with 3 drawers that sits on the bookshelf.  The top drawer has packages of aida and linen; the second drawer is tools – hoops, scissors, needles, pins, etc.; third drawer contains patterns, small kits, beads, and empty stitchbows.  I keep a bunch of pdfs of patterns that I keep on my computer – I’ll print them off as needed.  I actually don’t keep a huge stash, mainly because I don’t have a lot of room.

The past month I was able to make some progress – the Fire Fighter sampler is *this* close to being finished.  There was enough of the “border” red to finish both the border and the fire extinguisher that I started in the wrong shade.  So one more square to fill in, and then I can get the framing process started.

April15

I was also able to finish the owl bib for my friend, but I forgot to take a photo afterwards!  I decided not to start the second bib for friend #2 – I’ll try for it next month before her baby is born, but I just didn’t have the energy to push through it in the two weeks I had between the showers.

Speaking of baby, I’m still *very* pregnant – induction is scheduled for Monday if baby doesn’t arrive on his/her own before then.  Five days left!

 

 

Reminiscing

I went hunting for a particular set of photographs today and ended up falling down the rabbit hole of my archived pictures from the last 15 years.  Part of it is my own worry about this baby – leading me to chase down pictures of myself right before the other two were born, and how BIG they both actually were after they were delivered.  I remembered that she was that big – 10 lb is hard to forget – but even him at just over 8 lb was large.  My memory has been distorted by all my friends having 6 or 7 lb babies in the last few years and what size they were as I held them in my arms.  Then of course, I had to flip through years of photos and family vacations and holidays to watch them grow into the children they are now.  When did he get so big?  And how did I not realize that she has had the same smile since she was only a few months old?

In another folder, I stumbled across the photos of my group of girlfriends at all our weddings.  How on earth were we so young and fresh looking?  That tiny baby at her wedding, how did she turn into a little girl turning 9 next month?  Did I really wear THAT to a sorority ball?  What WAS his name, that random guy that used to hang out that summer when I lived in the sophomore dorms?  We were all so young and naive, the girls in those photos – not knowing what the next decade and a half would hold for so many of us.  Miscarriages, infertility, divorce, betrayal, aging parents.  Older, wiser, thicker skinned and more scarred – that’s who we are now.  Some of it showing on the outside more than others.  The initial thought of “I should share this on Facebook so we can all laugh together” over-ridden with “But I don’t know if their spouse/family/friends now would understand the history behind that shot, so maybe not …”

What am I going to see in another 15 or 20 years when I look back at these pictures again?  Babies grown up, left home, maybe even with babies of their own by then.  Friends lost and gained over the years, some held close and some slipped away as nameless faces in a scanned pic from a party I don’t remember any more.  The inevitable march of time, documented in so many pictures of my life, showing how much has changed – and how nothing has changed at all.

 

37w2d

Bonus ultrasound appointment to check for size and position:

  • My weight 205
  • BP 110/70
  • Baby’s HB 129 bpm
  • Baby’s estimated weight 6lb 14oz, +/- 1 lb
  • Cervix still closed

Baby is head down (thank goodness!), so induction scheduled for 39 weeks.  Unless baby decides to arrive earlier than that on his/her own, in which case they will not do anything to stop labor.

So we’re just in a waiting and holding pattern right now – just about everything is done for baby’s arrival, so I’m going to try to close out all my work tasks and relax as much as possible in the next week before our lives change all over again.

Zen for Ten: Slow Down and Breathe

If you want to join in, I’m doing Zen for Ten with the folks from Do What You Love.  Today is Day One.

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This was transcribed from my paper journal earlier today.

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4:58 pm

This is the first time I’ve sat in silence today, even though I’ve had the prompt since I arrived this morning.  There is no silence at my house – either the kids want me, or Manly wants me, or the television is on, or I am trying to complete some task or another.  And there is precious little silence here – despite the lower noise level, there is always something that needs to be completed, someone that needs help.  That is my job – to work and to enable others to work.  It’s part and parcel of having small children at home and being a manager at the office.  But it is deafening to be surrounded constantly by other people’s thoughts and words and questions and needs and desires and ideas.

At this moment, no one needs me and no one expects anything from me, and I am alone in the silence of an empty hallway.  What do I hear?  The a/c system.  The pencil tracing out words on paper.  My own breath.  The occasional door lock as another co-worker leaves.  And my mind is blank, spent.  “No time to build,” indeed.  No time, or no energy left to work on my own thoughts, my own ideas, my own projects.  I can feel the tension build in my body as I even contemplate this – what would I do if my time was my own?  What ideas do I have that need to be explored?  Always circling back around the central question, the one thing driving all:  what do I want my life to look like?  Without vision, the people perish.  Without a goal, a direction, I remain stagnant.

I want a white-bread life, something ignorant and plain;

But from the walls of Michelangelo, I’m dangling again

“… while you’re spending your whole life stretching out from something you can’t touch, you forget to touch everything else around you.” — Adam Duritz

Where is the line?  Where is the balance? Between reaching for the future and being present in the moment that is now?

–>  Life isn’t felt in summation or as some frozen awkward final pose.  Life is a series of moments, and is experienced as that – a series of simple moments.  Change is not hard because ideas are hard to have, but because mastering the little moments is tremendously challenging. — SKP