December 2, 2009
Manly and I couldn’t hold out for the whole six-weeks postpartum no-sex thing. Sorry, but that was just not happening.
We didn’t use birth control — never even thought of it until afterwards. And even if I had thought about it beforehand, there is nothing in the house.
When I realized it, I had a nanosecond of panic — dear god, what if I get pregnant?
And then I laughed — I’m infertile, remember?
And then I wanted to cry.
November 26, 2009
Today marks the Boy’s 4-weeks-old day. Y’all can take a guess at what I’m thankful for.
It’s been an amazingly short and mind-numbingly long 4 weeks. The amazing is him, obviously. He’s beautiful (and that’s not just my opinion, everyone sees him and calls him “gorgeous”) and he is going to be a big strong boy very soon. Big blue eyes still, no telling what color they’ll end up, but right now he will have his head on swivel and those eyes looking around for noises and lights and what-was-that? He’s gaining weight according to my upper back muscles and our apparently very sucky scale. We think he’s up to around 10 lb already — piglet! He’s already developing a personality of his own too; he seems to take very much after his mom and dad in temperment. Laid back and happy 90% of the time and screaming meme mad that last 10%. He does NOT like dirty diapers and will wake up screaming in the middle of a nap if he soils one. He’s not big on the naked time, which I don’t blame him because we keep the house chilly, and has hated every bath he’s taken so far. He’s still not awake much of the time, usually falls to sleep nursing or right after when we put him in the bouncy chair with the vibrating butt. Except for the 8-11 pm time frame, which is apparently party time even though we’re trying to wind down and sleep. He’ll usually sleep with us in our bed with no problem, and will go down in his bassinet or crib pretty easily after the 3 am-ish feeding and again at 6. I can’t tell you how many times he finishes nursing and I just let him sleep beside me on the couch or just sit there and hold him, his tiny little body a weight on my chest, fists curled up and secure in my arms. Manly says I hold him too much, but I can’t help it. We spent so long trying to get to this point, and I am going to soak up every little minute of it that I can.
The mind-numbing is also him. Because although it’s been 4 weeks, it’s been 4 weeks broken up into roughly 3-hour stretches. He eats for ~45 minutes, then I have about 2 hours to eat, shower, sleep, do laundry, facebook, whatever. But as I’m sure many of you know and the rest of you can understand, 2 hour stretches do not a very enjoyable life make. The sleep is the worst part; I just never get into that deep sleep where your body can recover. I’ve gotten TWO blissful 4 1/2 hour stretches and I never understood until then how wonderful four full hours of sleep can feel. The rest of the mind-numbing is just the monotony of caretaking for an infant. I’m not built to be a SAHM, and I was pretty sure of that before, but now I know. I just feel … useless sometimes. I want to DO things, but there’s just not enough time between feedings to be productive at anything. I’ve been writing his birth story two sentences at a time for the last month, and I’ve been working on this post for 4 days.
I guess all of this is a long way of saying that we’re doing absolutely fine, and life with an infant is exactly like everyone else’s life with an infant. I love him uncontrollably, and so does his father, and I love both of them together even more than I love them individually. And today, of all days, my heart goes out in gratitude to all of you who have walked this journey with me to get here.
November 5, 2009
If you haven’t already heard, the Boy is here with us — he joined our family last Thursday night. 8 lb 3 oz, 20 inches long and absolutely beautiful.
I’ve been trying to piece things together for a real post, but that looks like it’s a while off now. Cliff notes version, short easy labor (with the epidural which was totally worth it), followed by jaundice, milk coming in latelate, and finally things starting to look like they’ll sort themselves out.
I’ll be around, and hopefully get to finish up my birth story post which got half-done in the hospital and is now wasting away in my drafts folder.
Be back as soon as I can!
October 23, 2009
Some choice quotes from the other night with my husband’s family:
Thanks. Just thanks.
I started having contractions Tuesday afternoon, which freaked me out enough to call Manly and ask him to keep his phone nearby, which freaked him out enough to come home and stay with me even though all I did was go upstairs to take a nap. Since then I’ve been contracting on and off, randomly. Some of them are painless Braxton-Hicks, some of them feel more like menstrual cramps but wrapping around to my lower back. But nothing that suggests that anything real will be happening anytime soon.
Of course this is when Manly’s family decides to come into town. And his aunts all want to TOUCH me. Which is something that makes me a little uncomfortable on any given day, but right now totally makes me want to lose my mind. His entire family is very huggy and wants kisses and to rub my belly. But I have been feeling very … vulnerable, I guess, is the best description. My body is not mine anymore, and I’m having to be careful not to run into furniture or hit my stomach when I open doors. Stairs make me feel like I’m just going to topple over. Add into that the I’m-due-at-any-moment-and-just-want-to-protect-this-baby-until-he’s-out feeling, and the idea of people who are not Manly or my mother laying hands on me makes me want to curl into a ball and hide in the corner.
And since they’re all leaving this weekend, everyone is telling me I HAVE to have the baby before they go back to NorthernCity.
Yeah, right.
October 19, 2009
Another quickie since I’m supposed to be helping someone else with a project…
