My day breaks down like this:
430-515ish: nurse baby
515-530ish: awake, get out of bed, turn off alarm. contemplate going back to bed, conclude that it’s not worth it.
530-600: weigh, shower, teeth, ablutions
600-645: coffee, cereal, pack lunch, pack pump parts, makeup, perfume, dress, out door
645-705: commute. ESPN radio.
705-1100: work. stop to pump around 900.
1100-1200: lunch. run errands if needed.
1200-405: work. stop to pump again around 200.
405-435: commute. ESPN radio to start – I change it when Finebaum starts taking callers.
435-715: change out of work clothes. cuddle kids. debrief Manly on the day’s activities. make/serve/eat dinner. nurse baby. write if possible.
715-830: kids bedtime. bath, teeth, pjs, potty, books, songs, tuck in, hugs and kisses, lamp on, music on, lovey found, door cracked, light off.
830-1000: catch up on dvr, surf social media, video games, chores.
1000: think that I should go get in bed.
1030-1100: actually get up and get ready for bed. teeth, vitamins, pjs, fetch baby.
1100: asleep (up 2x during night to nurse baby)
I spend so much time thinking about how I want my life to look – but this is the first time in a long time in a long time that I’ve documented how it actually is. Between work and commute, I’m out of my house 50 hours a week. That’s 42% of my available time between Monday and Friday. Another 25% is spent sleeping (and that’s a generous estimate of 6 hours/night – it’s probably actually less) (and it should be 33% (8 hours/night) for me to actually be well-rested). That only leaves 25% of my time for everything else that I want or need to do during the week.
It’s hard. It’s a slog. I continually feel rushed, stressed, and like I never have enough time to fit everything in. Each activity, each decision is a choice, a trade-off of something that I won’t get to do instead. Who/what needs my attention the most? And it’s almost always not me. I end up stealing time from myself and consistently prioritize my own needs last.
What’s missing? Sleep. Exercise. Time to sit and simmer and think without pressure. I keep thinking, if I could only catch up! If I can only … But that’s futile. This is where I am, and this is where I have to start working to align my actions with my values.