August Moon 14, Day 2: right now

My day breaks down like this:

430-515ish: nurse baby

515-530ish: awake, get out of bed, turn off alarm.  contemplate going back to bed, conclude that it’s not worth it.

530-600: weigh, shower, teeth, ablutions

600-645: coffee, cereal, pack lunch, pack pump parts, makeup, perfume, dress, out door

645-705: commute.  ESPN radio.

705-1100: work.  stop to pump around 900.

1100-1200: lunch.  run errands if needed.

1200-405: work.  stop to pump again around 200.

405-435: commute.  ESPN radio to start – I change it when Finebaum starts taking callers.

435-715: change out of work clothes.  cuddle kids. debrief Manly on the day’s activities.  make/serve/eat dinner.  nurse baby.  write if possible.

715-830: kids bedtime.  bath, teeth, pjs, potty, books, songs, tuck in, hugs and kisses, lamp on, music on, lovey found, door cracked, light off.

830-1000: catch up on dvr, surf social media, video games, chores.

1000: think that I should go get in bed.

1030-1100: actually get up and get ready for bed. teeth, vitamins, pjs, fetch baby.

1100: asleep (up 2x during night to nurse baby)

I spend so much time thinking about how I want my life to look – but this is the first time in a long time in a long time that I’ve documented how it actually is.  Between work and commute, I’m out of my house 50 hours a week.  That’s 42% of my available time between Monday and Friday.  Another 25% is spent sleeping (and that’s a generous estimate of 6 hours/night – it’s probably actually less) (and it should be 33% (8 hours/night) for me to actually be well-rested). That only leaves 25% of my time for everything else that I want or need to do during the week. 

It’s hard.  It’s a slog.  I continually feel rushed, stressed, and like I never have enough time to fit everything in. Each activity, each decision is a choice, a trade-off of something that I won’t get to do instead.  Who/what needs my attention the most?  And it’s almost always not me.  I end up stealing time from myself and consistently prioritize my own needs last.

What’s missing?  Sleep.  Exercise.  Time to sit and simmer and think without pressure.  I keep thinking, if I could only catch up!  If I can only …   But that’s futile.  This is where I am, and this is where I have to start working to align my actions with my values. 



2 thoughts on “August Moon 14, Day 2: right now

  1. That’s a very full day and, as you say, there’s not a lot of room for you. And, dammit, expressing milk is exhausting!! And don’t get me started on disrupted sleep (my five month old is having a wonder week/month, teething, refusing solids etc etc).
    So in some ways this experience is universal, no?
    But I’d like to think we could find ways to find more of ourselves in amongst the grind. Am so keen to read more about your explorations.

  2. It’s tough figuring that out. And for me, it seems if I do figure something out to make time for me, then something changes elsewhere. I’m constantly trying to re-figure. :/

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