I have a dr. appt in 2 1/2 hours, but I’m feeling incredibly anxious today. Despite what all the docs said about her being head down, I am pretty sure she didn’t turn until Saturday night. I spent two hours sitting ont the couch with her flailing around inside, rolling, kicking, and generally making me miserable. And when it was all done, she felt much more compact, like she “fits” now. And I haven’t had any more pointy internal contact, like her elbows and knees are pointed the right way.
Then this morning, I am pretty sure I lost my mucus plug. I know, in my head, that that could mean absolutely nothing, but I’m still worrying.
I think it comes down to even though I’ve done this before, and I’m much more relaxed about being a mother to a newborn again, I’m still scared of the birth process. I know so much more this time about how wrong things can go so quickly, and how there is still a significant non-zero probability that one or both of us might not survive. And it is scary, scary to me to face that again.