I need your advice.

Here’s the sitch:  my friend, who was pregnant with me when I announced Mini to the world and then miscarried, ended up doing IVF.  She had her retrieval last Friday, which means we’ll all know if it worked or not next weekend.

My second ob visit with Smaller (there you go Becky, your name as requested) is on Monday.  I haven’t told anyone except our families yet because I wanted to get safely out of the first tri, and another heartbeat check will make me feel better.

So, my dilemna is — do I tell right before my friend?  If her test is positive, then my announcement becomes old news and she can have the spotlight.  If hers is negative, then I’m again in the awkward spot of being pregnant without her.  But if I wait til after, I’m going to want to wait a few weeks, which puts me basically showing up being Very Pregnant and I don’t want any appearance of trying to steal her thunder.

Gah. This is a sucky decision either way, I think.  And I’m going to have to tell at work soon since I’m pushing the limits of my normal clothes, and that is bound to get back to my circle of friends (several of us work for this company) and I want to let everyone know upfront instead of through the rumor mill.

Advice, please?  Tell me what you think I should do.


6 thoughts on “I need your advice.

  1. Oy. That is a tough situation. I’d probably email her, tell her the very same thing you told us, and ask her if she has an opinion as to how to handle it with the others.

    You’re trying to be sensitive to her, which, when I was trying anyway, goes a really long way.


  2. Another vote for telling her privately. In person, if you can, since it’s just more personal that way and no one likes surprise pregnancy announcements in their email box. Tell her what you’ve told us, and that you wanted to let her know as gently as possible first so that she has time to deal before others know. Sensitivity DOES go a long ways. 🙂

  3. I’d tell her in private now. When Becky and I were talking soon after you found out you were pg with Mini, she said you’d mentioned that I would be the hardest person to tell, or that I was the one person you didn’t know HOW to tell – something like that. I know your concern was based on wanting to protect me and not hurt me, but it was kind of like a slap in the face. It was as if I was too fragile and pathetic to hear your great news and rejoice along with you. Not your intention I know, but that’s how it landed for me. If her news isn’t great and she is mourning that, and you then have to wait several more weeks to give her time to heal, I think it will be all the more painful. Just my two cents.

  4. I’m in the tell earlier and in person camp. If her cycle is unsuccessful and then you tell her I think it will rub salt in to the wound. Telling now when she still is in the wait and when there is still the chance of being pregnant together seems to me to be better.

  5. Right now is a great time to tell her – it will give her hope that she’ll be PG right along with you again. I and my friend had a similar situation, our discussion ended up being, “I’m pulling for you!” kind of dicussions. I eventually lost that baby, but the bonding with my friend was priceless. You can’t control how she will react, and you can’t realistically hide the truth either.

    Out with it…

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