Impossible Dream

Mini was a statistical improbability.  We started trying in June 2005, and he wasn’t conceived until February 2009.  In some of my research during that period I remember coming across a longitudinal study tracking conception rates.  It’s been years, and I’m afraid I no longer have the link, but I remember that 97.something% of the couples were successful by the 3 year point — and that the research stopped at that time period.  I was never able to find anything about rates after the three year mark, so I always used the “less than 3% chance” when referring to how lucky we were to get him.

After he was born, I never went back on birth control.  I picked up a diaphragm but never used it — I didn’t start ovulating again until Mini was 8 months old.  At that point, we discussed the possibility of me getting pregnant again, but neither of us believed it would happen.  We even went so far as to decide that if I wasn’t pregnant by the time Mini turned 1, then we would go back to Dr. Local.

You can all see where this is going, I hope.  Tuesday a week ago, I peed on a stick and it was positive.

I had clients in last week from out of state, so I wasn’t able to go in for a beta.  I have a regular ob appointment scheduled for the 30th, at which point I’ll be about 8 weeks.  I’ve hesitated about writing about this until then, given all that can happen this early, but I’m having trouble processing this.

Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop; I’m still carrying around a pad with me in case … well, you know.  The other part of me is trying to plan out how this is going to work out in nine eight months.  We’ve spent the last week discussing daycare options, whether Manly will continue working, whether to change Mini’s crib into a bed and just buy a plain crib-crib for the new baby, researching tandem nursing, strollers …  It’s so early that I’m terrified that this will all come crashing down around my ears in two weeks, but I can’t help being giddy about it too.

I don’t know, I’m still spinning.  I want this so badly, and I’m so happy about it, but I’m terrified.

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10 thoughts on “Impossible Dream

  1. I knew it the moment I saw your email!Exactly how it happened for me. I also had a hard time with it at first, as thrilled as I was, it just all seemed so surreal and it meant that I was indeed fertile and not infertile as I had identified and related for so long. A good friend once told me: It was supposed to be easy the first time, and it was supposed to be difficult the second time. Quite the contrary, indeed. I’m so very happy for you, and I do hope it lasts all the way to a summer baby and a sibling for Mini!

  2. Your password totally gave it away and I was hoping but was nervous to hope for you. As someone who had a bit of an unexplained pregnancy too, I sooooo get where your head is. When will the shoe drop? How is this possible? OMG what if???It’s just all f*g unbelievable but woot if it’s real!!!!

  3. That sound you hear is the muffled scream with fists in my mouth. (It’s a happy kinda noise, but nervous nonetheless.)

    Hey, I’m *STILL* waiting for the other shoe to drop — and Muffin is 7 months old. Sometimes it’s like that.

    Waiting with you. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

  4. I squeeled so loud Braden came to check on me! I will hold on to some serious hope that this is the coolest Christmas gift you could ever ask for! Here, as always, for chatting and all that fun stuff. 😀

  5. HOLY SHIT!

    See, now girl — you are making me think I should start taking the pill again — cause as much as I love my little one, and I do, I would not be able to handle another — as glorious as the news is…WOW Sharah — WOW — I will wait with bated breath — that is incredibly exciting!(And terrifying for me…xoxoxo)

  6. Fantastic news! As someone who couldn’t conceive naturally until after all the IVFs and into my 40s I can certainly relate to the surprise! Hope all goes excellently at the appt.

  7. Congratulations! I can see how the surprise element would be very shocking, given the statistics – I’d have felt the same way.

    Fingers crossed for an uneventful appointment. 🙂

    xoxo

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