Today marks the Boy’s 4-weeks-old day. Y’all can take a guess at what I’m thankful for.
It’s been an amazingly short and mind-numbingly long 4 weeks. The amazing is him, obviously. He’s beautiful (and that’s not just my opinion, everyone sees him and calls him “gorgeous”) and he is going to be a big strong boy very soon. Big blue eyes still, no telling what color they’ll end up, but right now he will have his head on swivel and those eyes looking around for noises and lights and what-was-that? He’s gaining weight according to my upper back muscles and our apparently very sucky scale. We think he’s up to around 10 lb already — piglet! He’s already developing a personality of his own too; he seems to take very much after his mom and dad in temperment. Laid back and happy 90% of the time and screaming meme mad that last 10%. He does NOT like dirty diapers and will wake up screaming in the middle of a nap if he soils one. He’s not big on the naked time, which I don’t blame him because we keep the house chilly, and has hated every bath he’s taken so far. He’s still not awake much of the time, usually falls to sleep nursing or right after when we put him in the bouncy chair with the vibrating butt. Except for the 8-11 pm time frame, which is apparently party time even though we’re trying to wind down and sleep. He’ll usually sleep with us in our bed with no problem, and will go down in his bassinet or crib pretty easily after the 3 am-ish feeding and again at 6. I can’t tell you how many times he finishes nursing and I just let him sleep beside me on the couch or just sit there and hold him, his tiny little body a weight on my chest, fists curled up and secure in my arms. Manly says I hold him too much, but I can’t help it. We spent so long trying to get to this point, and I am going to soak up every little minute of it that I can.
The mind-numbing is also him. Because although it’s been 4 weeks, it’s been 4 weeks broken up into roughly 3-hour stretches. He eats for ~45 minutes, then I have about 2 hours to eat, shower, sleep, do laundry, facebook, whatever. But as I’m sure many of you know and the rest of you can understand, 2 hour stretches do not a very enjoyable life make. The sleep is the worst part; I just never get into that deep sleep where your body can recover. I’ve gotten TWO blissful 4 1/2 hour stretches and I never understood until then how wonderful four full hours of sleep can feel. The rest of the mind-numbing is just the monotony of caretaking for an infant. I’m not built to be a SAHM, and I was pretty sure of that before, but now I know. I just feel … useless sometimes. I want to DO things, but there’s just not enough time between feedings to be productive at anything. I’ve been writing his birth story two sentences at a time for the last month, and I’ve been working on this post for 4 days.
I guess all of this is a long way of saying that we’re doing absolutely fine, and life with an infant is exactly like everyone else’s life with an infant. I love him uncontrollably, and so does his father, and I love both of them together even more than I love them individually. And today, of all days, my heart goes out in gratitude to all of you who have walked this journey with me to get here.