Little voice

Manly’s grandfather passed away two weekends ago.  I never actually got to know him; he had Alzheimers, and it was already fairly advanced when we met.  I think he spoke to me once, but I could always tell that he never really grasped who I was and why I was there.  Almost all of Manly’s family came to town, and I can’t begin to describe how happy it makes all of them that I’m pregnant.  They are 2nd/3rd generation Americans, and many of their values are still traditional Italian values — big families, lots of babies, lots of food, and good red wine are enough to make any family gathering a memory.  I don’t think I’ve ever said, but Manly is the oldest of 5 and his father is one of 9.  The quote that keeps coming back to me that just breaks my heart is one from Manly’s aunt.  She had two children from a previous marriage and her oldest asked Granpa once (he was four at the time), “Whose grandfather are you?”  He answered, “I’m everyone’s grandfather, and I’m yours too.”  We had both been hoping that grandpa would still be alive when the baby came, and I cannot help but feel SO guilty that it is MY fault that Manly won’t be able to take our child to go see him.  If only…

I’ve been feeling the baby kicking for about 3 weeks now.  He/she/it is actually flickering against the edge of my laptop right now.  I will admit, I will frequently call Manly mid-afternoon just to share that the baby is moving around.  He’s ready to be able to feel him/her as well.  In one of our barely-awake, just-before-falling-asleep in bed conversations recently, he admitted that it’s still a little hard for him to feel connected since there’s no physical symptom other than my expanding waistline.  I love it though that he will rest his hand on my belly when we’re out together or as we curl up for bed.

Next Tuesday we find out whether the baby is a he or a she.  Everyone who has voiced their opinion so far has said “boy” — so much so that we both have admitted that it’s hard to think of the possibility of having a girl.  We’ve even picked out a name for a boy already, so if it’s not, um, we have some rethinking to do.

We have a crib and a mattress, way earlier than we thought we would.  Our order was supposed to be delivered the last weekend of July, so we haven’t even started clearing out the office yet.  And before we do that, we’re putting in new carpet and painting downstairs.  Have I mentioned that we haven’t ordered the carpet yet?  Oh yeah, we’re all on top of this organization thing.

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4 thoughts on “Little voice

  1. I’m sorry for your loss.

    I think it is normally hard for men to connect to the baby when you’re pregnant.

    Feeling the movement was the best thing ever for me. It is one of the things I will miss about being pregnant.

    Are you going to have a painting party? Those can be fun! 🙂

    Can’t wait to find out what gender your little one will be!

  2. I have no grandparents left. My husband has one left; I wonder regularly if she will ever get to meet her first great-grandchild. It’s funny to realize that IF is sad for people in the family other than just ourselves. :p

  3. I too am sorry to hear that. It sounds like he will be greatly missed.

    How very exciting about feeling the baby move! Yay! That’s truly the best part of pregnancy, ok other than the whole you get to keep the baby bit at the very end. 🙂

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