Reunioning and IF

My 10 year class reunion is going to be sometime in 2008.  Our class president, surprisingly enough, put together a myspace page and a website to coordinate the event.  I guess even slackers grow up eventually, and I’m thinking his stint in the military sped up the process.  I’ve been very happy to reconnect with many of my friends from high school, many of whom are actually still here in the state, but scattered around.  There are two or three folks that I’m still looking for, but the majority of my clique has been accounted for. 

For the website, there are a few things listed on each profile: current photo, marital status, occupation, number of children, and website.  Most of my friends have kids now, but there are a whole lot of people who don’t.  There are also a whole lot of people that I thought would be married by now who aren’t, but that’s another story.  Of course, I listed myself as married, no children, but I haven’t been able to broach the infertility subject with anyone.  I think about explaining the situation, I think about listing the blog, and then I think about all the assvice and nasty comments that other bloggers have been subject to.  My immediate circle has been amazingly understanding of our problem, but we see those folks all the time.  With these people who WERE my life 10 years ago, I want to explain, I want to reconnect, I want to share.  It’s on the tip of my … well, my typing, but I can’t seem to commit the words to paper.   I’m afraid of what their reaction will be. 

Who knows, maybe some of them struggled with infertility themselves.  Maybe they got lucky, did a few rounds of clomid, and popped out a babe.  But for all of the strength I’ve gained from blogging, I still can’t cross that social taboo and throw out in our first email in a decade that oh, we’re infertile and treatments haven’t worked, so we’re thinking about being childfree.  I mean, what could they say in response to that?  Nothing.  There would be absolutely no response that would be guaranteed not to offend.

I know that if we, the infertile population, don’t start breaking the taboos and talking about IF, then no one will.  But that doesn’t make it any easier to blaze that trail.

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9 thoughts on “Reunioning and IF

  1. I can completely understand your dilemma. It is hard to reconnect with those that were an integral part of one’s life several years ago. Time and life changes people. I hope that whatever you decide to do, you are completely happy and satisfied with that decision.

  2. I know where you’re coming from. I’m having enough difficulty just explaining things to my very loving family and in-laws, let alone expressing my infertility to people who I haven’t spoken with in a long time. Maybe you could wait and see how things pan out at the reunion. If you’re having a great time reconnecting with old acquaintances, and feel like you want to continue to keep up with them, perhaps there will be a natural moment in the conversation to share such information.

  3. Tough call. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I recently reconnected with 2 friends from high school who live in the same area as I do now. One of them was about to pop out her third when we started e-mailing again. When asked when we were thinking about #2, I just came out with it. And it turned out, that she herself has PCOS and had taken clomid for all 3 of her kids, and that she almost lost the third one. And, that the other woman has a step daughter, but hadn’t had any success trying for her first biological child. That she was starting to think about seeing an RE. They ended up being a source of support I never expected to have.

  4. If it were me, I would not put my infertility blog on the reunion website for all & sundry to see. I am just too private a person. But that’s me. Sharing with old friends who seem sympathetic at an appropriate moment over a few drinks — that’s another story.

    I graduated from high school in 1979 & went to my 10-year reunion. I was not the most popular person, but I did wind up having a good time. Some people had kids (two of them, who married just out of high school, already had FOUR!!), some didn’t — which is natural when you’re 28 years old (even more so now, I think, as people are getting married even later). I had not even started ttc then, so it was no big deal.

    I didn’t go to the most recent all-school reunion a few years back, for a number of reasons (timing being one of them), but my infertility was part of it. I dreaded having to deal with questions about how many kids I have, etc., & whether & how to bring up the subject of my stillborn daughter.

  5. I knoe what you are going through, my 10 yr was a few yr ago .. and i just decided to get wasted on good tequilla shots … Not one of my proudest moments but i was tired of hearing about how “perfect” everyone was doing and even though i knew it wasn’t true .. alcohol masde it better … I do not suggest my method of treatment for that night…. It is hard to blaze the trail…

  6. Maybe I’m weird, but I have no understanding of wanting to see people from High School again. Of course, I HATED High School. It was horrible. There are people from college I would like to see again, but they are few and far between.

    My question really comes to, “Why go?” If these were people you really wanted in your life wouldn’t they be in your life? (Like I said, I have zero understanding of the reunion thing.)

    Pax,

    MLO

  7. it’s so true what you say — if we don’t start talking about it, then who will? no one. when news of my miraculous fortune began to spread about my work place i couldn’t stop myself from telling everyone who congratulated me that this was a hard road, it wasn’t easy, blah blah. some people even had to hear that we had several losses along the way. it was like it was beyond my control. i think i was just so tired of keeping it all under wraps that it just started coming out. it felt good, and three other people even told me their stories. it doesn’t have to be in your first email, but it could feel good to tell bits of your story as such topics come up….

  8. I still waver between confinding the facts and making a joke about “maybe we’ll just stick with cats.”

    It depends who I am talking to.
    I am still very protective.

  9. I am an over-sharer so I would maybe put something in my profile under the children section that says something like “not for lack of trying”

    My 10 year reunion was nonexistant (I went to a performing arts school) and pretty much all of the people that I ditched school with are still in my e-mail address book. I can’t imagine not talking about my infertility with them- but like I said, I over share 🙂

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