Beagle made a comment in one of her posts the other day about knowing that she was ovulating even without opk’s or taking her BBT. I too find myself in that position. It’s hard to NOT know where you are in your cycle after a few years of actively analyzing all the little twinges and cramps and subtle changes throughout the month. For example, right now I’m in the 2ww. Even though we aren’t trying, I know that I’m past ovulation because my tatas are swollen up another cup size, they hurt to touch, and I’m roasting in bed from the elevated BBT. I don’t have to get out a thermometer, I don’t have to have bloodwork done, I just know.
Today I’m remembering back to two years ago. I had ovulated for the first time since coming off of BCP in October, and only realized it after the fact when I randomly checked my BBT one morning. The next cycle, I was ready. I started charting religiously at that point, still fresh with enthusiasm and just sure that I would be pregnant immediately. I had such a lovely chart that month, and all of the “classic” pregnancy symptoms: sore breasts, tiredness, slightly nauseous in the afternoons.
I remember telling one of my girlfriends that I would be “very surprised” if I wasn’t pg that month. She, pragmatically enough, told me to not be so sure. Did I listen to her? Of course not. Was I crushed when that very first single line showed up? Hell yes. Did I learn my lesson about mistaking my body’s reaction to progesterone for pg symptoms? You’d better believe it. That first negative test hurt so much that I hardly ever took them again after that. Probably saved me a lot of money of the course of the next few years.
Now when I have sore breasts and high temps, I just can’t bring myself to get excited any more. False hope fucking hurts, and I don’t have the emotional reserves to deal with it any more. So I bitch about my bra not fitting, and I count down to when my period should arrive, and I make sure that I have appropriate supplies on hand. If I’m lucky, one day I’ll be surprised. But if not, at least I’m prepared.