“Young” Infertile

I’ve been pondering my status as a “young” infertile for quite a while now.  Because we found out so early that we are infertile, we have a different set of circumstances than a lot of couples.  On the positive side, we have about 8 years before I hit “advanced maternal age”, which means that I do have time, theoretically, to take a break if I need one or save up money for treatments or simply hope that a new, better, more guaranteed/successful process comes along.  It means that I still have good quality eggs (in theory; that’s still untested) and a good ovarian response. 

On the negative side though, being young means that I face more pressure to go ahead and resolve my infertility while I do have good ovarian response.  Everyone warns me not to wait until it’s too late; not just other bloggers, but my RE, family, and random people I meet.  Paradoxically, it also means that I have to fight being under-treated because “I’m so young” and “There’s no rush”.  Being on the young side also means that I’m still in the very early stages of building my career.  I’m trying to balance making sure that we have a shot at building a family with making sure that I take the appropriate steps to build a solid foundation of knowledge and experience that will keep me employed for the rest of my life.  No matter what anyone tries to tell you, the two are mutually exclusive — there ARE times where you have to pick one or the other.  For example, I’ve been thinking about changing jobs.  But if I do that, I automatically will have to stop treatment for at least a year in order to build up competence and PTO in the new position. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that infertility sucks, no matter what time of your life you are in.  Young, old, primary, secondary, MF, female factor, RPL, never have seen a line, there are challenges.  And no matter where you are, it can seem like other people have it better, or easier.  But really, that’s not true.  The circumstances may be different, but that doesn’t make them better.  At the end of the day, we all share the same fears, disappointments, anger, bitterness, and misery. 

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Ed. note: Just in case anyone besides me was wondering, I am indeed in the 2ww right now.  I’m pretty sure, anyway.  I temped yesterday and this morning, and both times came in in my normal post-ovulation range.  I’m guessing that I have roughly 1 1/2 to 2 weeks before my period shows up.  So I have that long at least to make a decision.

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8 thoughts on ““Young” Infertile

  1. Mook and I talk about this often–being in the “young” range…but not taking advantage of it, and make sure we make smart decisions.
    BUT you are very much RIGHT when you say, no matter what-IF still sucks.
    I hope its a stress free 2ww (or whats left of it!) always hoping for AF to stay away!

  2. I am also considered young (well, I guess I am pretty young) and I like to think of that aspect as a positive. I do have time on my side but it doesn’t take away the pain of failed cycles or RPL. I always wanted to be a younger mom to be able to do things and have fun with my kids. And now, even though I’m still young, I feel time passing before my eyes.

    I hope your 2ww yields some great results!

  3. good luck during the rest of this 2ww . You can make a decision, when you feel like it. Allow yourself to somewhat feel as little pressure as possible.

  4. You are so right: we all suffer from “the grass is greener” when it comes to our individual positions, but it’s just different, not better. It’s kind of funny how you get conflicting advice–doctors telling you not to worry, others telling you hurry up while you’re still young. I’m kind of in the middle of the pack, but it does seem like you go from feeling young to not-so-young in a hurry.

  5. I am of the advanced maternal age variety (38) but I feel so young that I have to remind myself we don’t have all the time in the world. You are so right, everyone has a different IF story, and they all suck. I have never seen a BFP and my husband has moderate-severe male factor. AND I am 38.
    Good luck with your 2ww – hope it flies by (yeah, right!)

  6. You’re right, it doesn’t matter if you’re young or in your late 30s or 40s. If you have just the right combination of fertility problems, you could be 18 and still not feel very happy about your fertility prospects (although I have yet to see an 18-year-old writing an infertility blog!).

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