The Best Laid Plans …

So I report back to Manly what the doctor said…

Me: Blah, blah, blah. 
Him: Shaking head and nodding understanding.
Me: [Thinking we’re on the same page] So, I guess I’m ready to just go on and do IUI next cycle.
Him: I’m not.
Me: [Inside my head] Fuck.

Now I don’t know what we’re going to do.  I managed to contain my scream of frustration and didn’t demand an answer immediately, because I knew that would have just started a fight.  I’m going to let it sit for a week or so, and let him think about it, and then push for some kind of answer or reasoning.  If he’s not ready, that’s fine.  I can deal with that.  But I want to know why he’s not ready, or what he’s planning on doing.  I can’t take it when he leaves me in limbo like this.  I need to know what direction we’re going in: stopping treatment and moving to child-free living, taking a break for a while, or just trying a few more rounds with a different drug.  But without some kind of plan, I’ll go insane.

Update: Just spoke with the pharmacy — my insurance doesindeed cover injectibles.  So if we need to go that route, it’s covered.

Updating again, because I have to get this out.  Manly called at lunch.  The head gasket in our overly-expensive-17-year-old-sports-car blew out, which is a pain, but not unexpected.  However, instead of just fixing the gasket, he wants to spend over $10,000 to completely rebuild the whole engine.  I’m trying to figure out how to hold my temper in check, because there is no way in hell we’re spending that much money on his toy when we could spend less and end up doing IVF and having a baby.  And yes, he does have another car, so it’s not an immediate necessity to work on the car.  I’m so pissed off, I can’t see straight.


16 thoughts on “The Best Laid Plans …

  1. I have so been there and understand that frustration very well. You’re doing the smart thing by waiting, even though it’s hard not to know what will eventually happen, and not knowing it “right now!” as I am prone to think.

    This will give you time to verify the insurance coverage and hope that you can use that as a plus for moving onto the IUI.

  2. oy!! How frustrating! I am also a gal that lives for plans so I can imagine how bruised your head is from banging it on the wall.
    I hope your husband is able to open up to you and that you guys can discuss and move forward.

  3. oh no! how crazy frustrating and near infuriating. you’re very wise to wait for a bit to have the discussion about this. i hope by then you guys are able to figure things out and make a plan. argh. there is just no aspect of this that is easy. thinking of you.

  4. ARGH. Men. How frustrating. You are one patient woman – I would have lost it on J if he did that to me. *sigh*

    It’s a good idea to give him time, though. Hopefully he’ll come through.

  5. I hope he is just scared and not ready to face it. I hope that you are both able to talk this out and he can grow to accept this. Be patient, it takes men alot longer to get all this infertility stuff.

  6. I know what you mean about the plan. If I didn’t have plan A, B and C, I would have had an anxiety attack. And as if IF isn’t stressful enough, you have to add in the Mars/Venus element and battle that, too. I’m so sorry. I hope you both get the clarity you need very, very soon.

  7. My honest reaction to this is that it will only take a bit of time and he will be on board with you. I feel like when we (as women) get a plan we are driven and ready to go, but it takes the men in our lives a little longer to catch up. My husband initially balked at the idea of doing IUI’s, but he realized that our chances weren’t good without some type of medical intervention beyond meds. I think there is a small dent made in their pride by it all.

    I am going to wish and hope that your husband thinks all this through and that together you make the best decision for both of you.

  8. As a woman married to a man who has to think everything over twice (twenty?) times longer than I do . . . you have my empathy on the limbo thing.

    And kudos on containing your scream, I normally let mine out.

  9. Yeah……..sounds like one of the many moments I’ve had with my husband where the only thought in my head is “Are you out of your F’ing MIND??!!” but the only thing I can say is, “Uhm….okay…..Well, we should think this over…..” My husband constantly conjures himself into “forgetting” what we’re up against. I don’t understand how he can create that kind of distance, but he seems to think this will all work itself out without the need for more clinic visits or money, etc. Too bad there isn’t some kind of Husband Boot Camp we can ship their butts off to for a reality check.

    My thoughts are with you…….and hoping he’ll come around……

  10. My husband took so much longer to ‘get it’. He was in denial until just about two months ago. I have accepted that there has been a problem for at least a year and a half. He is finally coming around – it is just at a slower pace. I hope that the same happens for you guys.

  11. Ooooooh my. I really hope you guys can sort this out asap – it’s not nice to have to deal with things like this on top of IVF and Infertility!

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