For Mel’s latest blilt, I submitted a square describing how I feel about the 2ww: “I try to pretend this isn’t really happening.” For most of the time, up until about 14dpo, I do pretty well — I always seem to break down the last few days and obsess. You’ll notice that there is no ticker anywhere on this site, and that’s a purposeful decision that I made when I started writing. I know when my period should arrive, and I try to leave the waiting to that. I don’t want to think about how many dpo I am, about what symptoms I might/might not have, or what the odds are that this or any other cycle might actually work. I try to exist in a fog of possibility, like Schrodinger’s Cat.
Even though IF is the primary topic of this blog, I try very hard to not let it control my life. Part of the purpose of writing here is to get all this crap out of my head so that I can move on and leave it behind. I have chosen to leave IF here in this space as much as I can so that I can continue to have an active and purposeful life outside of infertility.
In this light, I’m going to try to write about some other subjects in the next few weeks. I try to stay as anonymous as I can here, but I know that I’m always interested in other bloggers’ stories beyond the “name and rank” details. So I’m going to give you some little peeks into my life beyond my experience of infertility.
I’ll start off today by showing you a project that I’m about to start working on. Interested yet? Well, one of my off-and-on hobbies is cross-stitching. It’s something that I started when I was very young, because it’s something that my mother used to do. One of the items I still have at my parents’ house is a framed cross-stitch that my mother made for me of the good-night prayer. You know the one: now I lay me down to sleep… She offered it to me the last time I was home, but I simply cannot bring it into my home right now. When I’m planning a nursery, definitely. But until then, it’s another reminder of something that I might not ever have.
So what am I starting? This. (Sorry, I tried to copy the picture, but it didn’t work). I bought the pattern back at Christmas, but have just now finished the project I already had in progress. I’ve got the fabric, a new support frame, and the thread ready to go, and I’m hoping to get started this weekend. The pattern book says to expect 6-9 months of work before completion, but given my usual speed, it may take a year or two. My goal is to have it finished by 2009. That sounds like a lot, I know, but the finished design will be approximately 20″ x 24″ — that’s BIG for a cross-stitch, if you’re unfamiliar. If y’all are interested, I’ll post updates on a semi-regular basis to show how it’s progressing.
Now I’m going to throw this out to you guys: what do you want to know about me? Are there things I’ve mentioned that you want to know more about? You tell me, and I’ll try to fill out the picture of myself for you in the next few weeks.