*lalala* This isn’t happening…

For Mel’s latest blilt, I submitted a square describing how I feel about the 2ww: “I try to pretend this isn’t really happening.”  For most of the time, up until about 14dpo, I do pretty well — I always seem to break down the last few days and obsess.  You’ll notice that there is no ticker anywhere on this site, and that’s a purposeful decision that I made when I started writing.  I know when my period should arrive, and I try to leave the waiting to that.  I don’t want to think about how many dpo I am, about what symptoms I might/might not have, or what the odds are that this or any other cycle might actually work.  I try to exist in a fog of possibility, like Schrodinger’s Cat

Even though IF is the primary topic of this blog, I try very hard to not let it control my life.  Part of the purpose of writing here is to get all this crap out of my head so that I can move on and leave it behind.  I have chosen to leave IF here in this space as much as I can so that I can continue to have an active and purposeful life outside of infertility.

In this light, I’m going to try to write about some other subjects in the next few weeks.  I try to stay as anonymous as I can here, but I know that I’m always interested in other bloggers’ stories beyond the “name and rank” details.  So I’m going to give you some little peeks into my life beyond my experience of infertility.

I’ll start off today by showing you a project that I’m about to start working on.  Interested yet?  Well, one of my off-and-on hobbies is cross-stitching.  It’s something that I started when I was very young, because it’s something that my mother used to do.  One of the items I still have at my parents’ house is a framed cross-stitch that my mother made for me of the good-night prayer.  You know the one: now I lay me down to sleep…  She offered it to me the last time I was home, but I simply cannot bring it into my home right now.  When I’m planning a nursery, definitely.  But until then, it’s another reminder of something that I might not ever have.

So what am I starting?  This. (Sorry, I tried to copy the picture, but it didn’t work).  I bought the pattern back at Christmas, but have just now finished the project I already had in progress.  I’ve got the fabric, a new support frame, and the thread ready to go, and I’m hoping to get started this weekend.  The pattern book says to expect 6-9 months of work before completion, but given my usual speed, it may take a year or two.  My goal is to have it finished by 2009.  That sounds like a lot, I know, but the finished design will be approximately 20″ x 24″ — that’s BIG for a cross-stitch, if you’re unfamiliar.  If y’all are interested, I’ll post updates on a semi-regular basis to show how it’s progressing. 

Now I’m going to throw this out to you guys: what do you want to know about me?  Are there things I’ve mentioned that you want to know more about?  You tell me, and I’ll try to fill out the picture of myself for you in the next few weeks.

10 thoughts on “*lalala* This isn’t happening…

  1. You know, it’s funny–I try to imagine completely leaving infertility here, on the Web, and I can’t. I guess because it is so much a part of me, and a part of my conversations with family members (as in, “Oh, I started a new medication today, and boy is it kicking my ass!). It’s not that I’m feeling sorry for myself; more that I approach infertility academically, and while cross-stitching is your hobby, infertility is mine. It’s really not as sad as it sounds. 🙂

    OK, enough about me. I would like to know: more about your sorority. Why did you decide to join in college? What was the “personality” of your sorority?

  2. Ooh, Sharah, that’s lovely! I’m a cross-stitcher, too. (Anything that involves needles, thread/yarn and fabric and I am in!)

    I love your idea of having people ask questions…mind if I borrow it at some future point? As for myself, I would like to knowwhat comforts you the most.

  3. That’s a beautiful pattern! I don’t cross stitch, but I can’t imagine having the patience for a project that large. I do enjoy crocheting and knitting. 🙂

    I can’t think of any questions right now. What a great idea though!

  4. I love Klimt’s art. I am so impressed that you can do that– I don’t think I could ever have that type of attention span.

    Where do you want to travel?

  5. First: Love the x-stitch!
    Second (& influenced by my own career interests): Do you have a favorite book? And if so, what is it? Thanks for offering to share a slice of yourself with us 🙂 To be fair, I’ll even tell you my favorite – Pride & Prejudice. I read every spin-off, twist and variation I can find….

  6. I too love the asking questions idea!

    I want to know your favorite childhood memory…

    What you would bring if you could only bring one item with you to a deserted island….


    What your pet peeve is!

  7. Wow, that cross stitch is lovely and if I started it I would end up adding it to my pile of unfinished projects. I did really well with cross stitch projects for a lot of years but then ran out of steam. I think I have 3 in various stages of completion. Oh, and I found your blog from The stirrup queens blilt.

  8. I love that Klimt! I used to have it over my fireplace when we lived in Maryland. It’s a gorgeous painting.

    I think I need to read some of your more recent postings (get caught up!) before I ask a question.

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