Would You Want to Know?

There was a question in the Barren Bitch Book Tour yesterday asking: if you could know ahead of time how your journey towards parenthood would end, would you want to find out?

Reading through the responses to this question really got me thinking.  If I knew this all this effort would result in a Real Live Baby ™, I would definitely want to know.  But if I was unable to ever get pg . . . that’s harder for me.  Part of what keeps me going every day is the hope that someday, maybe this will work.  Knowing that I have a good prognosis and that any given month I have about a 20% chance of this working is enough to keep me on the hamster wheel.  But at the same time, if this is not ever going to work, I would want to spend the money on other things instead of wasted treatment.  Adoption fees, retirement accounts, doting on my future nieces and nephews … those things are important too. 

Given that, I think that I would take the opportunity to find out what the future had in store for me.  If it was a RLB, then I would be able to face each cycle with the certainty that someday it would definitely work.  I honestly don’t have that certainty now — when other people affirm that they “will be a mother someday”, I just can’t share that sentiment.  Adoption is something that I’m very uncomfortable with, even though living childless would be incredibly painful.  If I knew that I would never be able to get pg, I could start the grieving process and begin to move my life in a different direction. 


Moving on, if you didn’t read the comments yesterday, I’m leaving town again this afternoon and will be gone tomorrow.  So your assignment this time is to visit Stories of Sharing.  Share a story with them, and Country Crock will donate a meal to America’s Second Harvest.  It only takes a minute, so go and give.


4 thoughts on “Would You Want to Know?

  1. I decided I didn’t want to know because I didn’t want knowledge of the future to cloud my actions in the present and become self-fulfilling, if that knowledge was bad. Also knowing that if someone three years ago told me I would have go through this much infertility treatment, I might have decided not to try, even if I knew I would be successful. I couldn’t have imagined doing some of these things three years ago. But… I sure as hell also hate the uncertainty!

  2. All good points. We could certainly make better use of our resources if we knew. But sadly we don’t – so the best we can do is make our best guess with an open heart and mind. That’s all we can ask of ourselves. At least that’s what I keep telling myself, but “myself” isn’t listening very well right now!

    Enjoy your trip!

  3. Yes, I would want to know, if only for crass financial reasons–if I knew IVF was not going to result in a living baby, I could put that money (not that we have it!) towards adoption. I also think the negatives would be easier to take if you didn’t have the fearful “What if it never happens?” thoughts to deal with. And if I knew it was going to take another three miscarriages to get a pregnancy that sticks, I could have a better idea of whether I want to keep plodding down that road.

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