I’m going to share a little secret with you guys.
Last Friday night, Manly and I went to dinner and then to see a movie. We went to see The 300, which was so completely worth the $16 for tickets that I would pay it again. Total and complete eye-candy, let me assure you. That King Leonidas — yummy. Ahem, back to the story. We sat down in the theatre and cuddled together. As the lights came down, I thought to myself
“I wonder what it would feel like if I was pg right now.”
And slowly, I let down that wall in my mind. I gave myself permission to believe, if only for a little while, that I was pg. I let myself think about the tiny new life growing in my belly. I let myself curl into my husband’s body, confident that we had created a new life together, that we were parents. For just a little while, there was no doubt in my mind that I was pg and that in nine months we would have a squirmy little bundle of happiness.
You know what? It felt good. It felt beyond good. It felt like I was surrounded by a glow of love and light and happiness. I felt radiant, triumphant. I felt no fear, no worry, no anxiety or tension. I wasn’t able to keep it up for long; my IF reflex to protect my heart against pain kicked in by the time the movie was over. But for a short few hours I was able to let go. I remembered exactly what I’m fighting for, and why it’s so important.
I needed that.