Waiting for the other shoe

Waking temp: 97.5

I think my body’s just fucking with me now.  97.5 is right on the line of “still high” and “falling”.  So in a fit of reverse psychology, I wore my … what’s the word?… “not-so-cute” undies this morning, if you get what I mean.  After all, everybody knows that if you wear white underwear, you can force your period to start.  So maybe by wearing the “expectant” underoos, AF will be warded off.

And Manly and I are planning to go out for sushi tonight.  So if she’s coming, today’s the day.

Anyway.  A lot of you have commented on my patience.  But really, I’m not all that patient.  I’m fucking terrified.  I have this tiny little shred of hope that’s dependent on an unreliable number from this morning.  That’s all I’m able to hold on to at the moment, a flickering light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m terrified to test, because I’m afraid that it would kill that little bit of hope.  At this point a negative is NEGATIVE.  It would mean that this cycle is OVER.  I’m just not ready to face that yet. 

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7 thoughts on “Waiting for the other shoe

  1. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Our bodies really do play cruel tricks on us sometimes. Who would have ever thought that our happiness for the day would depend on a thermometer?

  2. I’m sorry you’re in limbo. I know that it’s not a fun place to be. Hang in there and enjoy your weekend. I hope the candle ceremony goes well and that AF stays away!

  3. Testing is the other way to bring AF, I’ve been told. Not that I would know anything about that. No, no.

    Hold on to hope for as long as you want or need to. It’s your right. And I’m hoping right along side you.

    Enjoy your weekend and the candle ceremony.

  4. Thanks so much for your wonderful comment on my blog – and for commenting at all so that I could find your blog. I enjoy your writing style and can relate to your frustration (sigh) so you will be hearing from me often.

    Few things make me angrier than that “I might be/I might not be” thinking. It really pushes me over the edge.

  5. Yes, testing does bring on the dreaded end, too. This point in the cycle is the worst. The absolute worst. Screw “To be? Or not to be?” … it’s “Am I? or Am I Not?” that is the question.

    Hoping that the expectant underoos do the trick.

  6. Wait are you waiting for? Childbirth to commence? I swear if I knew where you lived…I’d pin you down and make you pee on something!

    And the most frustrating part of this, is that if you are negative now, you could’ve been briefly positive (pg) and now negative, which gives you important medical information, but you won’t know.

    Yes, I’m nagging ol’ bitch, but I have insomnia again, indulge me!

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