Technically, I’m through with the 2ww.

Today is 14dpo.  A lot of women would be thrilled to get this far with no sign of AF.  Not me — you see, I have a long LP.  So I’ve got 2 more days before I’ll even start looking for my bleed.  And I am so over this wait right now that it’s not even funny anymore. 

A long LP is a good thing; it means that I don’t have to worry about progesterone problems.  But it also just gives me that much more time to worry over the what-ifs and over-analyze all the little twinges and feelings.  The first cycle that I ovulated after coming off the pill, I was counting the days down.  Once I got to 16dpo, I was convinced that I was absolutely, positively pregnant.  But the next day, things went downhill.  I learned my lesson about hope that very first cycle: the higher you fly on it, the harder it hurts when you come crashing back down. 

I don’t usually test towards the end of my wait.  I did last month because of the new treatment and because of my SIL’s announcement.  This month, I’m back to my normal *eh* about peeing on sticks.  Honestly, I don’t do pee-sticks.  I simply cannot manage to hit the stick, so I have to utilize the pee-cup, and then I end up with grody old dixie cups in the bathroom, and I really hate dealing with the clean-up part after another negative.  Plus, I don’t have any tests and I refuse to deal with Wal-Fart’s just for a box of tests.  So last night, I dug out the trusty ol’ basal thermometer to check my waking temps instead.  Easier, cleaner, and free.

My temps pre- and post-ovulation are actually very stable from cycle to cycle.  Pre-ovulation, I’m in the 96.7 to 97.1 range.  Post-o, I see 97.5 to 98.3.  Around the inflection points at ovulation and right before my period starts, I’ll see 97.2 to 97.4.  This morning, my waking temp was 97.7.  Respectable, but not especially high.  Just for kicks, my friend of the fertiles chart can be seen here.  I still use the basic service to keep track of my dpo and overall cycle lengths, but I don’t temp on a regular basis anymore.  Those bi-weekly ultrasounds will do that to a girl’s motivation.  But you can still see last year’s charts from before I hit the 12-month infertility marker. 

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m going to admit that last week’s hope has faded a whole lot.  I’m feeling more PMSy than anything right now, and I will be really, really surprised if my temp doesn’t take the leming-plunge in the next two days.  Anyway, I’ve wandered circles around the point this morning, so I’m going to shut up now and go work on my PhD application.  See you tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel.

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5 thoughts on “Technically, I’m through with the 2ww.

  1. I went to an infertility support group meeting a couple of months ago, and the psychologist speaker made a very valid point–Infertiles can’t go on a cycle-to-cycle basis. They have to view the process of trying to have a child as just that–a process. Just because this cycle may not have worked doesn’t mean the next one won’t. I used to view each cycle as the do-or-die moment, but I have to remember that there are often other options if this particular treatment doesn’t work.

    I know, I know–easier said than done. But it helps me just a little bit to be looking ahead, rather than just being stuck on the depressing present. And anyway–you’re not out of the ballgame yet! Remember, AF symptoms can also be pregnancy symptoms.

  2. I hope you are wrong. I hope that basal just hit the coolest spot on your skin. I hope you don’t have to come back down again, even if you are flying low this month.

    Sending good thoughts your way…

  3. It is the little roller-coaster from hell, isn’t it? FWIW, pms and pregnancy symptoms are kissing cousins, so don’t lose hope yet. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

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